How has humanity lived and/or destroyed itself up until recently?

Written by Sofía Franco, undergraduate student: "Lessons and reflections post Covid-19" elective

While thinking about how to approach this topic I had a mild panic attack, not only because of how intimidatingly broad this question is, but because it made me come to a worrying realization: today, in the fourth week of the semester, I haven't learned anything from most of my classes.  I do log into -most of- the sessions, but I would be lying if I said I’ve made efforts to keep up. I'm not saying that I don´t care about university.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be panicking right now, but how else can I describe what is happening? Objectively, online classes require a lot of self-discipline, which is why -at first glance- we can only blame ourselves for the lack of investment. As the assignments pile up and the tests get nearer, I can’t help but feel guilty, irresponsible, mediocre and a bit useless. I know I’m being hard on myself, but it is hard -if not impossible- to compare ourselves to others. I see some of my classmates keeping up, taking good notes, participating… learning… and I can’t help but wonder if I am the problem.

Of course, nobody forced me to take this online semester.  I chose to do so even if I was aware of the conditions.  I knew what I was getting myself into. The other two online semesters haven’t been easy …But then, why did I choose this if it's so mentally exhausting for me? While thinking about it I concluded that that is what I want to talk about in this reflection.

Last year I read an interesting book “the burnout society” by Byung Chul Han. In this book, he states that we are so overly positive -or pretend to be-, that we end up being exhausted, frustrated and depressed. We always want to overachieve, and while at it we proudly exploit ourselves and call it hard work.  We praise those who do the same and believe we can always do more. We shame leisure time; we only value the time we invest doing something that brings some type of tangible profit and we’ve made life seem like a race against time. We all want to be “successful”, and we often associate that word with fortune and prestige. This is of course a direct consequence of capitalism and liberalism and I personally believe it is a way in which we are destroying ourselves. 

We are wired to follow a certain path, a path that we hope will lead us to financial stability on our own merits, but what are those merits? And is it actually attainable? Isn’t it an illusion sold by the privileged elite in order to keep benefiting from the will of the working class to exploit itself in exchange of crumbs from their fortune? Liberalism -and particularly neoliberalism- has us believing that being able to sell every single minute of our time is freedom - even selling our bodies is freedom. 

It has us believing that if we “work hard” we can achieve anything, even the lifestyle that billionaires have. For instance, Elon Musk, the richest man on earth, is an icon to a huge group of people as they believe he earned what he has by “working hard” when in reality, he hardly worked:  he cheated and bought his way to the top, and now people believe it’s through merit. If him or Jeff Bezos wanted to, they could end world hunger and STILL be rich! People can work their whole lives and still never be able to even afford housing and a decent living standard.

Money -or the illusion of it- ends up being the reason for everything: on many occasions we chose what we want to study thinking about how we can profit from it later.  Then we go to college -and pay for it- to get a degree that will make us more competitive on the labor market.  We try to stand out because good grades mean a good CV, and a good CV means more job opportunities, and a job means more money… Besides, not only do we build our whole lives around money, but we also try to do it as fast as we can! 

A 22-year-old, such as myself, is considered “old” for being in 5^th semester of a bachelor’s degree. Most people I graduated high school with are already halfway through their Masters and that is normal! I can´t help but feel like I’m late. I know there's no such thing as “late”, and I know it is ridiculous for me to be thinking about it, but, as I said, I literally cannot help it. Why do I feel this way? Because from an early age we are programmed to believe this definition of success:  the quicker we start making money, the better, and as the world becomes more competitive by the minute;  a “safe” way to assure a good place on the hierarchy is to get a ton of degrees. 

However, that is not enough.   People also seem to have an expiration date: younger people are more appealing -younger people with tons of degrees and experience, of course.  That is a huge contradiction, but it is true. This unattainable expectative is unhealthy and hard to ignore.  For me, being aware of it does not really change it. I am in a rush to get my degree and move on to the next thing.  I can’t conceive  postponing  a semester because that would mean I would be even later. To what? I don´t exactly know; I just know that I would feel guilty and mediocre. I am very tired of thinking like this. I’m making an effort to stop, but while I’m at it I can definitely conclude that humanity is destroying itself with this mentality.  This mass production/consumption scheme has us believing that self-exploitation is something to be proud of and that we have to do everything as fast as we can to get… where?

It might seem I’m obsessed with the topic of money and that  I shifted a bit from my initial reflection, but I don't think I did. I believe my lack of motivation is deeply linked to what I mentioned. It can all be summed up in two words: mental health. Not everyone is affected to the same extent by the same factors, but I can only speak for myself. I am worried sick about money; I am worried about being worthless because I am not achieving anything tangible at the moment; I am worried I never will because, in this context, I’ve proved  myself incapable of doing things that I don't find enjoyable and, even more so, I’ve proved  myself incapable of overcoming my mental blockage. If I can’t even force myself to keep up with 7 subjects, how can I expect to succeed in such a competitive self-exploiting world? And if I can’t, why do I even bother trying?